Who Are You Now?

I don't have any subject I'm really interested in talking about. Things are going well. It seems like the rut I was stuck in a few weeks ago lasted forever and isn't that far behind in the rear view mirror. But for the time being, it has passed.

I recently purchased a wide angle lens and a lighting kit. It's nice to have a part time job to help pay for this. I'm hoping this will open doors to be able to do more freelance projects. My parents got me a photography AND audio gig in mid-April. It's very rare that I can mix the two together in one event. I feel like I'm slowly becoming a better photographer. Of course like any 'artist', I'm really picky about my work.

It seems as though I'll be having more visitors in the next coming weeks, which will be nice. I'm excited to see some old, familiar faces and just have fun. I can't lose sight of the fact that it's not all about working. It's not that I'm not serious about my jobs, I'm still a hardworking, ambitious person, but jobs come and go. People come and go to, but people help make your life what it is. Your job isn't ALL you are. It's a part of you, but there's more to life than that. Oh yeah, there's that whole thing about having to make money to survive... blah! All I'm saying is that I'm young and have the rest of my life to work. I need to take advantage of my youth and have fun before it's gone!

Speaking of youth, I took pictures at my cousin's baseball game last Saturday. I hung out with my two cousins, Joseph (10) and Jessica (6) after the game. Jo led us through the woods to find 'coffins' of the people the field was dedicated to. We then played a number of card games, many of which I had forgotten how to play. It was very refreshing to be with them. Seeing kids being kids and having fun. Knowing that they still have their innocence intact unlike us 'adults' or teenagers. I can't believe how big they are now. I remember when they were just babies. I feel so old now!  

   

This Too Shall Pass

It's funny how much changes in a week. I was feeling very down, and thought it might be awhile before I recovered. I can be a pretty private person, but to certain friends, I can vent and ask advice, and feel ten times better after doing so. Whenever I say what's on my mind, it helps me release some of the tension and worry. By no means am I in the clear. I still know that there is someone breathing down my neck, and who knows when that will end, but at least I am not alone. 

I have the next two days off, and this is after working the last 15 straight days. I haven't been this excited in awhile. I hope I can get some stuff done and just relax. I've had to put off doing things I've been meaning to do/finish because I have been insanely busy. 

I want to finish writing and recording some songs. I want to mix some old recordings. I want to go to the driving range and use my awesome golf clubs that I never get to use. I want to finally finish my new website! I want to hang out with my friends. I NEED to go to the gym. Notice that isn't a want to go to the gym! 

I won't be able to accomplish all this in two days, but next week will hopefully not be as hectic. I know I'll at least have Saturday off.

It's 4:11 AM, and I'm tired. I should probably get some rest...

Make It Better

Make It Better- Evan & Jaron

I don't know what's happening to me

I can't remember things I used to believe

I caught myself just the other day

Stealing color from words and leaving them gray

Yeah, I've fallen down a time or two

But no one was looking so I'm not telling you

I've got to make it better, make it alright

Got to find me a ladder to reach the light

Got to move to the exit, single file line

Before the fire spreads to my head and burns my mind

It's been real, but it's time to go home

Time to change back to the clothes that I own

I could use some heavier shoes

To ground me of feelings I don't want to lose

And all this time, I never knew

That it never meant anything to you

Things haven't been going so well. Last week was a complete nightmare, and I'd like to pretend it never happened, but it replays in my head every once in awhile. This post might be a bit ambiguous cause I don't want to go into the details. 

I'm faced with the reality that something that I didn't see coming might happen sooner than I thought. The things that have been going on in my life, one being something that has affected me much more than I thought it would, has had an impact on me. 

One of my flaws is thinking that I can do much more than one should possibly handle at once. Like the time I tried to do three internships and a weekend job. I thought, "Hey, there are 24 hours in a day, I can handle it." What about everything else? It's not all about working. I've lost touch with the things I love to do, and that is a clear sign to me that I might be overworking myself. Or is that just making a sacrifice?

I started to panic about the possibility of this premature event. I started thinking irrationally at one point. My thoughts calmed down the next day, and I told myself that it might be a jab to the face, but it's NOT a knockout. It would be a road block, but the world will still go on, and there will be other chances.

My cousin's dog, Coby. 

The Simple Things That People Over Complicate

There are times when you think your life is a bit tough, but then something gives you some perspective on it all. You then realize that your life is not as hard and complicated compared to others. I don't have a life threatening illnesses. I won't be kicked to the curb or starve if I don't make money (or enough). We all have our own problems, and I know as much as I bitch and moan about mine at times, they are tiny compared to others out there. 

Today, Thursday, is my only day off. Off days are becoming minimal, but at least I am making money at a part time job. The weekend photography job did not schedule me for the rest of the baseball season, so I don't have to do that now. That is one less thing I have to worry about, and I guess also one less way to make money. That's okay because I am going to try harder to get freelance photography jobs. 

I am redesigning my website. I think it'll look a lot better, but it looked better in my head. Haha. Well, I think I'll get to that now.

Until next time.