I Should Mean More

My life revolves around music. I spend a majority of my day listening to it. I'm trying to be involved with it as a profession. I make it. I relate to it. I love it. I live it.

This post title and the last post title are both song titles/lyrics from some of my CDs. I can pretty much find a song to match any of my feelings or mood(s).

I've been battling with myself mentally the last two weeks. It's been a bit frustrating, but every once in awhile you go through some bumps like that. You question what you are doing, why you are doing it, and if it will ever amount to anything in the end. 

Right now I'm doing something that I told myself I wouldn't do because I consider(ed) it meaningless. I used to tell myself I wouldn't do this or that because it's not meaningful. Anyone can do meaningless things. 

Are things really 'meaningless' or do they only appear that way because we think they are? Yes and no. You can never say for sure that things won't turn out a certain way. In all likelihood this situation will not lead to the big picture, but it does mean something, and I do get something out of it. Sometimes I wonder why I'm putting time and effort into it, but if you get something out of it in the end, then you acquire something and it doesn't make it useless after all, now does it?

I still consider getting drunk one of these 'meaningless' things. It's meaningless to me, so I don't care to do it. You drink, kill your liver in the process, and possibly wake up feeling like crap... that does not sound like a good time to me, but then again, that's me. I don't need to drink to have a good time or 'let loose'. I kind of went off on a tangent.

SOOOOOO... that leads me to what I was initially talking about. 'I Should Mean More' is the title of this post. It might possibly be more appropriate if it was 'I Should DO More'. No, interning is not fun. It drags people down. Gives them hope and takes it away at the same time. BUT, it's all part of this 'paying dues' thing we have to do if we want to make it...

Bottom line, I cannot just wait around for the next step. I have to be PROACTIVE. I need to find ways to stay sharp. I need to find ways to network with people... work on projects. Same goes with photography. I might have to do some stuff for free first, but I'm okay with that. I just need to DO more and THINK less. So as soon as I get my schedule worked out, I'm going to work on that. It's the crafty people who make it in this industry, and I got to be just that. I've always been told I'm a creative person, and now I have to put that creativity to work.

Forward progress starts now.